And as bleak as hopeless as things looked, somehow, and for some other unknown reason, the gods saw fit not only to "rescue" me but to give me yet one more chance to rebuild.
About twenty years ago, I was casually introduced to the runes through means of a reading. At that time, I had no idea that I would eventually be led to find and call home the pagan/heathen path. Around ten years ago, the rune Uruz came to me in a meditation. I had to consult with a learned Swedish Asatru friend to identify it - I only knew that it was a rune with no idea which one it was or what it meant.
Uruz is the "good health" or healing rune. Its energies include learning from our past mistakes, patterns and history, endurance, persistence, changes, manifestation and so much more. This became and has remained the rune that I draw upon for faith and strength.
But I get away from the runes from time to time. Motherpeace is the tarot deck that I resonate strongly with and have spent most of the last five years with, although I continue to wear runic jewelry and have many symbols of my rune, Uruz, throughout the house. I have known some very serious Asatru whose devotion to the runes has sometimes made me feel intimidated or inadequate to practice the path.
Just within the past month, when things were looking particularly dark, I ran across a few pieces of runic jewelry I hadn't seen in a while - a rose quartz pendant carved with Uruz and an Onyx pendant carved with Nauthiz (interestingly, a rune that represents resistance to the positive qualities of Uruz). The following day, I stumbled across the leather disk my late husband had burned Uruz into in one of his art classes that I planned to incorporate into a tribal belt as well as Freya Aswynn's Songs of Yggdrasil.
I knew that Odhinn and Freyja were calling me back home. The Norse gods see us as family, as equals, and once we have been claimed we are forever kinsmen. As I listened to Freya's CD in the car, I chuckled as I thought of what some people would think about my finding her reading of the Havamal and her Galdr chants very soothing.
Two years ago, I created a bindrune that included both Nauthiz and Uruz as well as Tiwaz, Algiz and Laguz. I planned to have it tattooed and consulted with a tattoo artist. She suggested a "scalpeling" instead and I seriously considered this since the runes are to be carved. I never did follow through, mainly for lack of money, and I didn't have any now. My memory of this intention was jogged by a line in Aswynn's reading, that the runes were to be carved on the back of the hand.
Now - please hang on to your expressions of concern. Believe me, I am the biggest chickenshit when it comes to pain and I'm not a cutter. But I did use a razor blade to carve my bindrune on the inside of my right ankle (the only place where I had a chance in hell of doing it straight) and the victory rune, Tiwaz, on the back of both hands.
The following day was the day I got an offer that I not only could not refuse but that would actually help two other people. And all I've given up is something I needed to give up quite some time ago.
I am still in shock and blown away. I have amends to make to several people and feel so undeserving of this blessing. I've recently wondered if I gave up on my future because I'm not destined to be here for much longer. But it has been given to me regardless of the mistakes I've made and I am reminded with every single selfish thought that even if I cannot make some things right or repay some kindnesses, I must pay it forward.
I'm still not quite sure where I'm going although it does seem that circumstances may still lead me to the desires of my heart. My damaged, traumatized and bi-polar/depressed mind is still afraid to believe that and I wonder what more proof could it possibly need?
Maybe this sums it up....it certainly seems to simplify it:
You have been oriented that you must pay a price in order to get somewhere, and in the process, you’ve come to believe that getting there must be really important, therefore, it must be your purpose. And we say, but if you’re not getting to joy, then you’ve gotten nowhere. Joy is really where you’re going.
Excerpted from the workshop in Boca Raton, FL on Saturday, December 13th, 2003
Our Love,
Jerry and Esther Hicks
Now if I can just convince my head and heart.
Blessed Be
runes,
asatru,
tattoos,
mental health,
depression,
meditation,
abraham hicks,
goals,
tarot
